


Remember when you taught me fate (you said it'd all be worth the wait)

by n_g_m_3692



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Homophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Rivals to Lovers, Slow Burn, excessive use of metaphors, here come some trigger warnings, i really cant believe that it’s 2020 and I'm still writing klance fics, this starts at the Garrison and continues until after the war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25938469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n_g_m_3692/pseuds/n_g_m_3692
Summary: “Why did you bring me out here?”Keith kept looking up at the stars, and Lance couldn’t tell if he was considering his answer or just ignoring him.When he spoke, it was quiet and aimed at the sky. “I don’t know. I just wanted to.”Lance wasn’t satisfied, and kept pressing. “I mean, I’m your competition right? We’re like rivals or something. Why would you want to help me train.”Again, he stayed silent for much too long before speaking.“You know why,” he whispered, like he was sharing a dark secret.“I don’t,” Lance was whispering too, because he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something wrong about what they were doing—that this could only be discussed in quiet voices, under the cover of nightfall.He reached over to Keith and gently tilted his head towards him. Keith resisted at first, but then gave in and Lance found himself staring into the captivating eyes that had filled his dreams for countless nights. “Tell me.”
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 102





	1. when we first met

**Author's Note:**

> Yes Keith and Lance live rent free in my head, yes I think Voltron is cursed, we exist.  
> All jokes aside, I actually really like this and had a fun time writing it and I hope you guys like it too.
> 
> Also title is from Strawberries and Cigarettes by Troye Sivan, which is one of my favorite songs ever

The first time he saw Keith he was fifteen, about to enter into his first year at the Garrison.

Lance’s attention was drawn to him immediately, the only lone figure in a sea of people surrounded by their families saying tearful goodbyes. Lance took him in: his slight figure, his crossed arms, the messy dark hair that obscured half of his face. Something stirred in his chest, as if his heart was trying to escape. He couldn’t name the feeling but he knew he didn’t like it. Knew that he shouldn’t be feeling it. He forced his gaze away from the boy and watched the other cadets, trying to get an idea of what the next four years of his life were going to be like. But his eyes kept flitting back towards him, completely against his will.

His mom fussed with the collar of his jacket, muttering things into his ear. “…and don’t let the older kids pick on you.”

He nodded half-heartedly, not really listening to her, too busy trying to contain all of his nervous energy—and keep his eyes off the boy with the dark hair.

“…and make friends. Thats just as important as your grades.” She gently tilted his face down, making eye contact with him. “And mijo?”

At the sound of his pet name, he turned his attention to her. “What, mama?”

“I love you.”

He stooped down to hug her, smiling when he felt her arms clutch at his back, holding him just a little too tightly.

“Mama, stop!” He gently tried to push her off, but there was no bite. They both knew how much he was going to miss her. “I have to go.”

He turned away, heading towards the cafeteria for orientation when he stopped dead in his tracks and turned back around.

“I love you too.” And with that, he set off, practically running toward the cafeteria, eager to begin the chapter of his life that he had worked so hard for.

—

He saw Keith again in the cafeteria, his black hair standing out against the orange uniform they all donned. He looked different than the other cadets. Where they all looked alert as they watched the orientation video, nerves showing in their body language clear as day, he looked almost… bored. He wasn’t even looking at the screen, instead picking at his nails, opting to glance up at the screen every few minutes and then turn away, rolling his eyes.

Lance decided then and there that he hated him. _That’s what I felt when I first saw him_ , he told himself. _Hatred. My body knew what my mind didn’t._

He tried to focus on the orientation video, but despite his best efforts, he found himself looking back at Keith, overwhelmed with anger.

 _He has the audacity to be bored?_ He thought as he glared at the back of Keiths head. _We’re about to enter into the most prestigious space program in the country —maybe in the world— and he doesn’t even look like he wants to be here? What’s wrong with this guy?_

He shook himself, and turned his attention to the orientation video once and for all. He wasn’t going to let some random snob ruin this for him.

—

After orientation there was a mixer in the cafeteria for the cadets to get to know each other. He walked through the cafeteria slowly, perfectly aware that everybody in there would be his competition come tomorrow. However, with his moms voice ringing in his ears, he walked towards a small group clustered around a table, trying to casually join their conversation.

“I heard we might actually get to meet him!” A scrawny kid said as he bounced up and down.

“No way. The dudes definitely got more important things to do than talk to a bunch of freshman.” Another kid countered, looking skeptical.

Lance leaned towards the guy next to him and whispered, “What are they talking about?”

The guy, Hunk, according to his name tag, responded, “Takashi Shirogane. Apparently someone saw him in the entrance hall before orientation.”

Lance nodded, trying to look casual. “Shirogane… He’s the one they’re thinking about sending to Kerberos, right?” Inside, he was giddy. _Takashi Shirogane._ His hero. The reason he wanted to come to the Garrison in the first place. It was an honor to even be standing in the same building as him, speaking his name.

“Yeah, but that’s not confirmed yet. They all seem to think he’s taken a special interest in our class. Like he’s gonna give us special lessons or something.” Hunk chuckled a little at this and Lance immediately felt better, just seeing his smile. Lance smiled too, glad to make his first friend.

The two of them broke away from the group and talked as they make their way through the cafeteria. He learned that Hunk was an engineer, and that his family’s from Samoa. He started telling Lance about how he found out about the Garrison when Lance’s attention was ripped away.

The guy from orientation walked into the cafeteria, looking just as bored as he did the last time Lance saw him. Even though this was only the third time he had seen him, and he didn’t even know his name, the sight of the guy made his blood boil. He felt himself tracking him as he walked through the cafeteria with his head down, still picking at his nails. He couldn’t explain why, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of him.

“Lance?” Hunk tapped him on the shoulder.

“Oh shit, Hunk. Did I zone out? I’m so sorry.” He brought himself back to reality, away from the alluring boy that kept distracting him.

“It’s fine dude but,” Hunk furrowed his eyebrows, lowering his head so he was level with Lance. “Why were you staring at Kogane?”

“Who?” Lance said, faking nonchalance.  
“Keith Kogane,” he explained, gesturing towards him. “Apparently he’s some big hotshot. Got in on a full ride scholarship and everything. Some kids overheard the teachers raving about his scores on the entrance exam. Seems like he’s the one to beat. Not that it matters to me. He’s a pilot and I’m an engineer, so he’s not _my_ competition but you…” he shook his finger in Lances face, “should definitely keep an eye out for him.” he shoved Lance lightheartedly, “Not that that seems to be a problem.”

“Shut up.” He shoved Hunk back, trying to hide the growing blush he could feel covering his features.

Kogane. The hotshot. Famous before he even set foot in a classroom. No wonder Lance hated him the first moment he saw him.

“I bet the guys ego is huge,” he said, causing Hunk to chuckle again while Lance glanced back at Keith. He was leaning against the wall avoiding all eye contact and brushing off everybody who tried to talk to him. Lance found himself wondering if he ever uncrossed his arms. Or if he ever took that surly expression off his face. Against his own will, he wondered what he would look like without it—what he would look like if he smiled.

He wasn’t sure if he believed what he just said. The kid standing in the corner didn’t seem cocky, just kinda sad. He thought of how he was when he first saw him, standing alone, no family in sight, with nobody to say goodbye to, and tried to match that to the image his mind had conjured up of a hotshot trainee. It didn’t fit.

—

On his first day of classes, he discovered that Keith was in three of them. On his ninth day of classes, he discovered that he happened to look forward to those three classes more than the other four. He told himself it’s because those were the most exciting classes (his flight classes) so of course he looked forward to them. It was why he came to the Garrison in the first place. It was his dream.

What he didn’t have an explanation for is why he looked for Keith every time he entered a classroom. Or why his gaze always seemed to drift over to him no matter how hard he tried to focus on anything else.

After several weeks of this he came to the conclusion that he was just curious. Hunk wasn’t lying when he said the teachers love him. Maybe Lance just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Maybe he just wanted to see if he looked as bored during his classes as he did during orientation.

And, as Lance came to discover, he did. Every time Lance looked at him, his gaze was downwards, and he was either picking at his nails or fiddling with his pencil. Lance started to wonder if the guy even had the capability to express an emotion.

—

A week later he got his answer.

It was the day they first got to try the simulator. He’d been a nervous mess all morning and when it was finally time, he felt no better. He was standing in line, anxiously twisting his fingers, waiting for his turn. Four people have already gone and all of them failed spectacularly. The instructor said that failure is to be expected, that nobody makes it more than a couple minutes their first time. Except, of course, Takashi Shirogane, who set the record of lasting five minutes. Trying to think about anything other than his impending failure, he turned his attention to Keith who, like always, has his arms crossed and his head down, not showing a single sign of nerves.

 _Yep_ , Lance thought, _I still hate him._

He heard Keiths name get called and watched as he climbed the ramp to the simulator. Once he was inside, Lance shifted his gaze to the monitor, set up so all the cadets can ‘learn from each others mistakes’. Keith carefully got into the pilot chair and performed the pre-flight check. Once he got the go-ahead he slowly put his hand on the throttle.

The simulator burst to life and so did Keith. Lance watched in awe as his face transformed from the apathetic expression he had gotten so used to, to one full of spirit and passion. He effortlessly navigated the asteroid belt the simulator threw at him, even laughing a little bit as one narrowly avoided him. The cadets watched as the seconds ticked past, past two minutes, then three minutes, then four minutes, then five. But where the other cadets were switching between watching the timer and the screen that showed the simulation, Lance only had eyes for the small square that showed Keith.

Before, he had myriad of reasons that he was obsessed with Keith: he hated him, he was jealous of him, he was his competition. But watching him like this, with a soft smile on his face and his hair flowing behind him Lance couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He knew what the was feeling. It wasn’t hatred and it wasn’t jealousy. It was longing. Pure, unfiltered desire. Desire to do what, he wasn’t sure. But he knew it extended beyond friendship or rivalry. And he knew he could never say it out loud.

Much too soon, Keith got out of the simulator and Lance felt a twinge of sadness when he smile slipped off his face. He had been forced to crash land on a planet, but only after the instructors raised the difficulty so much that nobody would be able to continue on.

The cadets watched as the screen flashed his time. Six minutes and forty seconds. A new record. He was even better than Shirogane, and that was a high, high bar. He slowly got out of the pilots seat, expression a mix of disappointment and surprise. When he exited the simulator, all the cadets clapped. But instead of soaking it all up and basking in the glory, like anybody would expect him to, he just walked out and made his way to the back of the line with his head tilted towards the floor.

They all murmured as he passed, completely overwhelmed by his talent. Eventually the instructor managed to get them all to be quiet and they moved on. But now, all of the cadets were sneaking glances at Keith, and Lance did the same, but for completely different reasons.

When it was his turn Lance went through all the motions to the pre-flight check perfectly. When he pressed the throttle he felt, for the first time, that he understood Keith completely. Because that feeling, the feeling of racing through the air, the pure exhilaration of leaving everything behind —even if it was just a simulation— made everything feel right.

In the end, he made it four minutes. Better than everybody else in his class, but not better than Shiro, and definitely not better than Keith. He walked off the ramp smiling bigger than he had in weeks. Second place. He could live with second place.

At the end of class, he made his way towards the door, barely looking where he was going, eager to tell Hunk what had happened. He crashed into somebody and in his fervor he didn’t notice just who it was that he had run into. It wasn’t until Keith pushed his hair out of his face and mumbled an apology that he realized.

“Shit! I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” He stumbled over the words, fully aware that this was his first interaction with Keith and that he was botching it. “It’s Kogane, right?”

“It’s fine. Seriously.” Keith was still looking down, ignoring Lance’s attempts to make eye contact. “And yeah, it’s Kogane.” Then under his breath he added, “Or Keith.”

“I’m Lance, Lance McClain.” He awkwardly held out his hand and Keith took it, giving it a quick shake before turning to leave. Lance scrambled, not wanting the conversation to end, even though by all accounts, it wasn’t going well. “I uh… I just wanted to say that you did really well out there. It’s like you were born to fly or something.”

Keiths head snapped up, and for the first time, Lance got a good look at his eyes. They were… beautiful. That was the only word going through Lances mind. _Beautiful._

“Right. Thanks.” Now that Keith had finally made eye contact with him, he didn’t seem to want to stop. He just stared at Lance with an intensity he had never felt before. “Four minutes, right?”

“Yeah. Not as good as you. Or Shirogane,” he said, waving a hand.

“Still…” Keith started, still not taking his eyes off Lance. Lance wished that he would, because he suddenly found it really hard to form a coherent sentence or even a thought when he was looking at him. “pretty good. Better than any of these losers could do.” He gestured vaguely at their classmates and it occurred to Lance, just a little too late, that this was Keiths idea of a compliment.

Lance just smiled, searching around for anything else to say.

“I’ll see you around, McClain.” Keith turned around and Lance saw a hint of a smile as he did.

“Yeah. See you!” he called out after Keith, who had already disappeared into the hallway.

—

The next time he talked to Keith was a couple of months after their awkward first meeting. It was late at night, way after curfew, and Lance was carefully making his way to the simulator. He knew he shouldn’t be using the simulator at this time of night but something in his head was telling him that he _needed_ the extra practice, that he _needed_ to get better. Maybe then he could finally pass Kogane. Because, like he constantly told himself, some stupid crush doesn’t mean that he’s not your competition.

Once outside the training room he heard voices coming from inside and quickly stopped in his tracks.

“Dammit, Shiro! It was one time!” The voice was saying, frustration apparent in it’s shrill tone.

“No, Keith, it was not ‘one time’,” a second, much calmer voice said. Once Lance realized who was being scorned, he had the urge to run away. After all it was none of his business. But something kept him glued to the wall as he listened in with morbid curiosity.

“But— I—“

“Enough. This can’t keep happening Keith. You got in here because you’re good, and you deserve to be here just as much as everybody else. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to follow the rules. And it definitely doesn’t mean you can go around starting fights with people.”

“I didn’t start anything,” Keith’s voice, was getting higher as he yelled at the older man. “James said something to me, okay? Am I just supposed to sit back and take it?”

“Yes!”

“Thats fucking ridiculous and you know it Shiro!”

“James isn’t here on my special recommendation is he? James doesn’t have a huge list of disciplinary infractionssitting in a folder with his name on it, does he?”

“Shiro I—“

“Keith,” the mans voice was much gentler when he said his name, “I know it’s hard okay? I know. But the fact is they didn’t even want to let you into the program. They thought you’d be a liability, but I told them they were wrong. That you were worth it.”

“Bet you wish you could take that back now,” Keith’s voice was softer, too, laced with shame.

“No, Keith, I don’t. I’m glad you’re here. Just don’t give them a reason to kick you out, okay?”

“Okay, Shiro.” He sighed loudly, and Lance imagined him picking at his nails, avoiding the eyes of the man he was talking to. “I’m sorry.”

Lance heard footsteps heading towards the other exit and figured that he was safe. He slowly walked into the room, still reeling from what he had just heard. “Oh, shit.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Keith yelled, standing with his fists clenched at his side. He glared at him and Lance faltered under his gaze.

“I was just um…” Lance stumbled over his words again. _Great,_ he thought bitterly, _I still can’t form a sentence around him._

“Spit it out, dude. You’re not supposed to be in here.” Keith said bitingly, nothing like the softer way he had spoken to Lance the first time they met.

“I— wait a second… You’re not supposed to be in here either!” He waved a finger in Keiths face, glad he found a way to take the focus off himself.

“Yeah, well… I got special permission,” he said quietly, like he didn’t want to admit it.

“Oh sure. ‘Special permission’,” he put air quotes around this last part, making it clear that he didn’t believe him. “From who?”

“Shiro,” Keith said, still speaking barely above a whisper.

“Shiro?” _Who the hell is Shiro._ “Wait, you mean Shiro _gane_? Takashi Shirogane?”

Keith just nodded and Lance let out a scoff. “So that’s who you were talking to.”

“What?” Keith was mad again, his voice going up an octave in an instant. “You were _eavesdropping_ on me?”

“No!” He yelled, then paused, reconsidering his answer. “Well, kinda. But not on purpose.”

“‘Accidentally eavesdropping.’” It was Keiths turn to use air quotes. “That’s a new one.”

“Okay, fine.” Lance resigned himself to just telling the truth, because obviously the back and forth wasn’t getting them anywhere. “The truth is I came here for some extra training.”  
Keith scrunched up his face, confused, and Lance tried not to think about how cute it made him look. “Training? Aren’t you ranked second?

“Well, yeah…but I want to be first,” he admitted.

“Oh.” Keith understanding dawned on Keith and he smiled a little, making all the air rush from Lances lungs. “You want to bump me.”

“Yeah. I guess,” he smiled too.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll be first soon enough,” he chuckled as he said this, but there was no humor behind it.  
“What? What are you talking about? You’re the best pilot in our class. Maybe in the academy.”

Keith blushed a little at the compliment, making Lance smile even wider. “That might be true. But the teachers are looking for any reason to kick me out.”

“Why the hell would they do that?”

“They think I’m more trouble than I’m worth.”

“Right…” Lance remembers overhearing kids talk at lunch, about how Keith starts fights with people with little to no provoking. But he had thought it was all rumors.

“Whatever. It’s fine. I didn’t even want to come here in the first place.”

“How could you not want to come here?” Lance couldn’t imagine not wanting to go there, couldn’t imagine not dreaming of making it into the Garrison since he was a kid.

“I just… never saw this being my life. You know, the crisp uniforms and the orders. It’s all a bit much for me,” he started picking at his nails again.

Lance started to say something, some kind of cheesy assurance that he could do whatever he set his mind to or something, but Keith stopped him just as he opened his mouth.

“Anyways, I should get back to my room,” he said abruptly as he squared his shoulders. His face closed off again and he walked towards the exit, brushing Lances shoulder as he passed.

“Wait!” he called, but when Keith turned around and glared at him, he found that he had nothing to say.

“What?” Keith seemed a little annoyed now.

“I just—“ _like you? Want to spend more time with you?_ “Never mind. ‘Night Keith.”

Keith nodded his head once, then kept walking, brow still furrowed, arms still crossed.

—

If Lance wasn’t watching Keith a lot before, he definitely was now. It had been weeks since their night in the training room and they haven’t spoken since then. But something had definitely changed. Sometimes Lance would be absent-mindedly watching Keith in class when Keith would turn his head and look right back at him. Or Keith would get off the simulator and search the room before his eyes would land on Lance and the corners of his mouth would quirk up, just a little bit, undetectable if you weren’t watching for it.

Lance tried not to read too much into it. It could just be coincidence. Or maybe Keith still thought he was some kind of eavesdropping stalker, and he was just watching him to make sure he wasn’t being creepy.

 _Yep,_ Lance reassured himself every time his mind started to wander into dangerous territory —territory filled with bright violet eyes and dark eyebrows—, _he definitely hates me. And I should definitely hate him back._

—

That’s how they passed the rest of first year, all awkward eye contact and pretending that they weren’t simultaneously avoiding each other and seeking each other out. Before he knew it, it was summer, and he would be heading home for two months.

As happy as he was to be home he couldn’t ignore the feeling in his chest. The one that felt like a dull ache, like a wound not properly healed. He told himself over and over that he was just missing the Garrison and his friends, but he knew it was a lie.

All summer his mother was worried about him, asking if he was sick, or nervous about going back to school. He would just shake his head, saying he was just tired after a long year. He spent all summer counting down the days until he could go back, secretly hoping that wherever he was, Keith was doing the same.

—

Finally, it was time to go back. He was sixteen now and he walked into the Garrison with a confidence he didn’t have before.

On the first day of classes he looked for Keith in every room he was in. When he saw him for the first time in two months, his jaw dropped. _How had he managed to get even prettier?_

He was sitting in the corner of the room, reading a book, patiently waiting for class to start. The first thing Lance noticed was that he had filled out, the year before he had been a bit scrawny, and while he was still short, he now had broad shoulders, and Lance could just make out lean muscles underneath his uniform. His hair was falling over his face, longer than it was before. _Apparently he doesn’t know what hair cuts are,_ Lance thought while his mind supplied him with images of what it would be like to run his fingers through it.

Keith looked up and saw him looking. Lance didn’t react quickly enough to play it off. Instead he just awkwardly smiled, putting up his hand in a small wave. Keith got up and started walking in his direction while Lance stood there stiffly, waiting for the moment he would be close to Keith again.

“Hey,” Keith said when he reached him. _His voice is deeper, too_.

“Hey,” Lance said, internally attempting to stamp down the butterflies in his stomach.

“So, according to Shiro, second year we get to start out in the simulators right away.”

“And you’re worried I’m gonna beat you right off the bat,” the tease slipped easily off his tongue, “before you even have time to prepare.”

“Yeah…” Keith rolled his eyes, offering Lance an elusive smile. “That’s totally what I’m worried about.”

Lance laughed, hardly able to believe that he was having a real conversation with Keith, one where he wasn’t stumbling over himself.

“By the way,” he said as an afterthought, “How do you know Shiro? I mean the guys kinda famous, how did you get him to pay attention to you?”

Keiths face shut down. The playful smile that had been there was quickly replaced by the surly expression that Lance was used to, but definitely hadn’t missed. “It’s a long story.”

“Oh, okay…” Suddenly Lance couldn’t think of anything else to say. _Well, that was fun while it lasted._

“Class is about start. See you around, McClain.” Keith went back to his seat, shooting Lance an odd, apologetic look over his shoulder.

—

A couple of weeks later, after a couple of failed attempts to talk to Keith after class, Keith approached him.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Lance said cautiously, not wanted to repeat their last conversation.

“I— um…” he looked nervous, which was a far cry from the usual aloof aura he put on.

“Spit it out, Kogane.”

“I… I wanted to show you something.”

“Okay…” Lance said. Then, when Keith didn’t move, he raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“No. Not here. Tonight.” He shoved a piece of paper in Lances hand and then took off.

Before Lance even had time to be confused, the bell was ringing and he had to rush to make it to his next class.

Once there he settled in his seat and opened the note.

_Meet me in hallway J. Next to the cafeteria. 10pm._

Lance scoffed a little. _This guy sure loves being mysterious._

—

When night finally came and they all headed to the dorms for curfew, Lance was practically vibrating with anticipation.

He sat at his desk, eyes brushing over his textbooks, but not picking anything up. He sat like that, fingers drumming on the desk, mind everywhere but his homework, until 9:45

He jumped out of his chair and pulled on some clothes, not wanting to show up to whatever it was that Keith had planned in his uniform. He crept out into the hallway, and made his way towards the cafeteria, careful to avoid any patrols.

Once he made it, it was a few minutes before ten. He slumped against the wall, looking for Keith but trying not to seem too eager.

“You came,” he heard Keiths voice and strained his eyes to see him.

“Yeah,” he said as he pushed himself off the wall. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”

Keith came out from the doorway where he was hiding and shrugged. He was wearing his civilian clothes too, Lance noted with appreciation. The all black ensemble, if a little dark for his tastes, suited him better than the bright orange of their uniforms.

“Okay, Kogane, are you gonna tell me why I’m here or am I supposed to guess?”

“You’ll see.” He turned around and set off down the hallway, indicating for Lance to follow him. Lance did as he asked, growing more anxious by the minute.

Keith wound them through dark hallways until they finally emerged in a huge yard just outside the Garrison.

“What…?” Lance murmured as he looked around, taking in all of the hover bikes and small fighter jets that covered the yard. “What the hell is this place?”

“This is where they keep all of the outdated equipment,” Keith answered, looking smug at Lances amazement.

Lance scoffed as he brushed his fingers over one of the bikes. It was a little banged up, but definitely not useless. “Maybe by the Garrisons standards.”

“Nobody ever uses these. So I thought that we…” he walked over to Lance and dropped a set of keys in his hand, “could take them out for a spin.”

“Wait, what?” He stared at the keys in his hand, not bothering to hide his shock.

“You heard me.” Keith had a devious twinkle in his eye, and while usually Lance might have found that very attractive, right now it just scared him.

“You want us to use these?” He gestured wildly around him. “You want us to _steal_ Garrison equipment so we can… what? Take them out for a joy-ride?”  
“I prefer to think of it more like training.”

“Training? Right.” He scoffed, placing his hands on his hips and trying to mock his moms terrifying look of disapproval.

Apparently it didn’t work, because Keith stepped forward, taking back the keys, waving them tauntingly in Lance’s face. “Listen. You said you wanted to get better right?”

“When did I—“ _Oh._ _“_ You mean last year?”

“Yeah. When we were in the training room.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like it wasn’t strange that he remembered a small comment Lance had made a year ago. "You snuck in there to train, so I figured you’d have no problem doing the same out here.”

“Hold on. Thats different. That was a _simulator._ This is real.”

“How do you expect to get better if you don’t push the limits a little bit, huh?” Keith was still standing inches from his face, his eyes daring him to do something. Lance’s eyes flashed to Keiths lips and he had to use every bit of will in his body not to kiss him right there.

Instead, he just took the keys back with a flourish.

“ _Fine_ ,” he said dramatically. “But just for the record, I think you’re insane.”

Keith laughed lightly and led him over to a red hover bike. Lance examined the controls and found that they weren’t unlike the ones on the simulator.

“What do you think?”

Lance flashed him his biggest shit-eating grin and hopped on the bike. He was never one to back down from a challenge. “Lets ride.”

Keith hopped on the bike next to him and showed him all the basic controls. Then he tossed him a helmet and took off, leaving a trail of dust behind him

Lance started the bike and pressed the throttle before his better judgement could take over and trailed after Keith. Once he started riding, he found that he liked it better than the simulator. No simulation could copy the feeling that this bike gave him—the feeling of being completely in control as he flew though the air. He laughed and urged the bike forward, doing everything he could to catch up to Keith.

Once he did and Keith noticed, Keith sped up too, making it clear that this was a race. Lance rose to the challenge as he flew through the desert air, neck and neck with Keith. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so free. Later, he would come to realize that it wasn’t just the bike giving him this freedom, that it had just as much to do with the boy next to him.

Finally, Keith came to a stop in front of an old shack. He got off his bike and took off his helmet, brushing a hand through his windswept hair. Lance did the same, taking in his surroundings, the never-ending landscape of the desert, the stars twinkling above them.

Keith smiled at him, big and wide, like he’d never seen anything like him. “Well?” He asked breathlessly. “What did you think?”

“I think,” he started as he walked towards Keith, “That that might have been the most fun I’ve ever had.”

“Ever,” Keith repeated, like he didn’t believe him. “You need to have more fun in your life, McClain.”

“Is that an offer, Kogane?” Lances filter was completely gone, swept away in the desert breeze. Keith just rolled his eyes at his flirtatious comment and sat down on the ground, catching his breath.

Lance joined him and they sat in silence for a few minutes, looking up at the stars, hands barely an inch apart.

Eventually, Lance broke the silence, asking the question that had been nagging him since he got Keith’s note. “Why did you bring me out here?”

Keith kept looking up at the stars, and Lance couldn’t tell if he was considering his answer or just ignoring him.

When he spoke, it was quiet and aimed at the sky. “I don’t know. I just wanted to.”

Lance wasn’t satisfied, and kept pressing. “I mean, I’m your competition right? We’re like rivals or something. Why would you want to help me train.”  
Again, he stayed silent for much too long before speaking.

“You know why,” he whispered, like he was sharing a dark secret.

“I don’t,” Lance was whispering too because he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something wrong about what they’re doing—that this could only be discussed in quiet voices, under the cover of nightfall.

He reached over to Keith and gently tilted his head towards him. Keith resisted at first, but then gave in and Lance found himself staring into the captivating eyes that had filled his dreams for countless nights. “Tell me.”

Keith leaned forward, just a bit, shifting his hand that much closer to Lances. Their fingertips were touching and their faces were barely separate. Lances mouth fell open a bit as he searched Keiths face. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, both too scared to move or give voice to the thoughts stirring in their heads.

Then Keith shifted back and the moment was shattered. Lance sighed, mourning the loss. The desire bubbling up in his chest was threatening to spill over and he was worried about what he would do if that happened. He shifted his hand, so that his fingers were on top of Keith’s, asking a silent question. Keith moved and for a second Lance thought that he was going to get up. But he flipped his hand over, making it so that their fingers intertwined. A silent answer.

They were avoiding voicing what they both knew to be true. They couldn’t have this. The Garrison had a very clear, very strict ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy. They were already risking suspension by being out here, after curfew with stolen equipment. To do anything more than this, more than hand holding and stolen glances, would be dangerous. They would get expelled, banned from ever serving the Garrison. They would never make it to space. They both understood this.

They stayed like that until they both knew that they couldn’t anymore. The sun was threatening to spill over the horizon and they needed to get back to their beds before anyone found them. They rode back to the Garrison. And this time there were no races. They rode side by side, looking over at each other every few minutes and sharing secret smiles spiked with sadness.

At the end of the night Lance found himself back in his dorm, hand still burning from where Keith had held it, lips still burning with all the things he wished he could say.

—

They avoided each other for weeks after that. But this time Lance wasn’t confused. He knew why Keith didn’t want to talk to him. He didn’t want to talk to Keith for the same reason, too scared that he would do something that would ruin both of their futures.

So he went on with his life. He studied. He excelled in his classes. He laughed with his friends.

He watched Keith. Payed attention to the way he looked when he was focused on something. Payed attention to the way he looked when he was flying in the simulator. Payed attention to everything he did. And tried to pretend that he wasn’t watching him from a distance, that there wasn’t a gaping chasm between them.

He would lay awake at night and imagine what it would be like to cross that chasm. How it would feel to make it to the other side, where Keith would be standing there waiting for him. Where he could do more than hold his hand.

Sometimes, in between classes, when Lance would sit in the quad and read, Keith would come sit by him. Sometimes they would talk, hold short conversations about their classes or a teacher they both hated; but mostly they would just sit next to each other, elbows brushing, saying nothing and wishing they could say everything.

This was their reality. Lance had come to accept it, and he knew that Keith had too.

—

Lance accepted it, until he didn’t.

He rolled over and checked his clock. _9:32._ He got out of bed and put on his clothes with shaking hands. They were halfway through the school year, and Lance decided that he couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted more. He needed more.

He snuck out of his room, like he did all those months before, and slowly walked through the dorms. He stopped in front of dorm 3F, and took a deep breath, reaching up a hand to run his fingers over the name printed on the door, running through his half thought out speech in his head.

He knocked. There was no answer. He knocked again, louder this time, and heard movement behind the door.

Finally, the door opened and Lances eyes fell on a sleep-mused Keith.

“What—“ Keith started to say, but Lance shushed him, placing a finger on his mouth and pushing him into the room.

“Can you just… Can you just let me get this out?” He asked, eyes begging Keith to say yes. “Please, Keith.” At the sound of his name, Keith calmed down, and his shoulders visibly untightened. 

He nodded once, looking terrified and intrigued all at once.

“Okay, here goes.” He took another deep breath and then kept going, words tumbling out of him, faster than his brain could process. “I like you, Keith. I _like_ like you. I— I know it’s wrong and I know it’s against the rules but—”

Keith cut him off, holding up a hand, then turned to pace the room. Lance waited in silence while he walked in small circles, picking at his finger nails. _Did I ruin everything? What if I was wrong and he doesn’t feel the same?_

Finally he spoke. “No.”

“What?” That was not the response was expecting.

Keith turned to face him, face stony and blank.“No,” he repeated simply.

“No what, Keith? No you don’t like me?” Lance’s voice was rising in pitch, and he was beginning to feel incredibly uncomfortable under Keiths gaze.

Keith scoffed and he shook his head in disbelief. “Of course I like you, McClain. How could I not? You’re— you’re—” He faltered, finally showing cracks in his hard shell.

“I’m what? Perfect? Beautiful? Everything you’ve ever dreamed of?” Lance was being immature and he knew it. But he couldn’t stop himself from making jokes when he had never been so scared in his life.

“Yeah. All of the above, Lance!” Lance noted with detachment that it was the first time he had said his first name, and that he loved how it sounded coming from his mouth. Keith threw up his hands in frustration, then went on, his voice wavering. “But it doesn’t matter, does it? It doesn’t matter if I like you too. It doesn’t _fucking_ matter. Because if _they_ ever found out…” He pointed vaguely at the door., hand shaking ever so slightly.

“I know. Trust me, I know what would happen.” He walked towards Keith, grabbing his hands and holding them tightly. “But they don’t have to know.”

Keith laughed, a quiet, disbelieving thing. When he spoke, all the frustration was gone from his voice, replaced with cold defeat.“You seriously believe that? Are you seriously that naive? You’re a lot of things, Lance, but I never thought you were stupid.”

Lance dropped Keiths hands. “ _‘Stupid’,”_ he repeated indignantly.

“Yeah, Lance. Stupid. This,” he gestured between the two of them, “can’t happen. No matter how badly we want it.”

Lance deflated. He knew that everything Keith was saying was true. But a small part of him was hoping that Keith would do it. That he would say _fuck them_ and be with Lance no matter the risks.

“And we can’t even be friends?” He asked, his voice sounding more broken than he wanted it to.

“No, Lance. I can’t— I can’t be around you.” Keith looked deflated and broken too as he sat down on his bed, head in his hands. “It hurts too much.”

Lance crouched down in front of Keith, and gently tipped his chin up. They stared at each other, focusing on nothing else, as if they could change reality if they just thought about it hard enough.

“What if,” Lance whispered, “we could pretend.”

Keith tilted his head slightly, confusion painted on his face.

“What if,” Lance repeated, lifting his head up so that his nose brushed Keiths, “just for one night, it was just the two of us.”

Keith made a small noise in the back of his throat, and closed his eyes. Lance lifted his head up more, until his lips were a hairsbreadth away from Keiths.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, fully giving himself over to the desire that had plagued him since he first met Keith.

Keith nodded and Lance pressed forward, pushing his lips softly against Keiths. Keith tilted his head down and to the side, so that their lips fit together better. His lips were warm against Lances, and Lance wondered how he had lived his entire life without the specific heat that Keith gave off. How had he not frozen to death?

He grabbed Keiths shoulders and pushed him back on the bed. When he opened his eyes, and saw Keith underneath him, all messy hair and bright eyes, he wondered how this could be wrong. Because from where he was, it felt like heaven. It felt like the most right thing in the world.

Keith looped his hands around his back, pulling him down, deepening their kiss. Lance smiled into the kiss, and felt Keith do the same.

One night.

That was all they got.

—

The next day they were all called into an assembly. As they all gathered in the cafeteria Lance saw Keith standing two rows in front of him. He turned around and made eye contact, lending Lance a small smile before he faced the front again.

Iverson walked across the stage and addressed them all, his loud voice booming from the speakers. “I regret to inform you all, that the Kerberos crew didn’t make it, due to fatal pilot error.” It was brief and cold, everything an announcement like that shouldn’t be. Around him, Lance heard the students whisper, looking at each other in shock. Iverson ignored them and continued, as if he was announcing the lunch menu for the day, and not the death of a famous and beloved pilot. “There will be a memorial service on April 7th. You are dismissed.”

Lance frantically looked for Keith, but couldn’t find him amongst the sea of shocked cadets. He didn’t know how he knew Shiro, but he gathered enough to know that he was important to him. When most of the cadets had left the cafeteria, he saw him. He was lowered to the ground, elbows on his knees, head in his hands.

As Lance approached him he heard him muttering. “No. No. No. No.”

He walked over to him, silently squatting next to him. He put a gentle hand on his shoulder and Keith violently brushed it off, still repeating his mantra. “No. No. No. No. _No_.”

“Keith,” Lance said, trying to make his voice as gentle as possible. “We need to get out of here.”

Keith finally turned his head to look at Lance and the beautiful eyes that Lance was so used to were gone, replaced by two dark storms. They looked as if they’d never be bright and playful again. Lance recoiled at the thought.

He blinked the tears out of his own eyes, and gently lifted Keith up, allowing him to lean on him as he led them out of the cafeteria. He found an empty classroom and shut the door, setting Keith down on a chair.

Keith was back in that same position, hands in his hair, looking frantically broken. When Lance stepped closer he found that Keith was breathing too heavily, much too heavily. He sat down in front of him, desperately trying to get him to calm the storm brewing just under his skin.

“Hey, listen to me,” Keith didn’t respond, so he tried again, louder this time. “Keith! You need to breathe. Come on, try it with me okay?”

Keith nodded, eyes still in some far off place.

“Okay ready? In, out. In, out.”

They stayed like that, riding out the storm, until Keiths breathing leveled out and he took his hands out of his hair.

Keith let out a small laugh. “How did you know how to do that?”

Lance waved a hand, “Just one of my many talents.”

Keith looked at him, eyes sharper than they had been moments before. “I mean it Lance.”

“I used to get panic attacks,” he told him. “When I was younger. I learned how to deal with them.”

Keith nodded, looking happy to have a distraction from whatever was going on in his head. “Thank you.”

Lance nodded, then reached up a hand to brush the hair out of Keiths face.

“I’m so sorry, Keith. I—“ he struggled to find words, knowing nothing he could say would help him. “I know he was important to you.”

Keiths brows furrowed, and he looked at Lance like he was crazy.

“ _Is._ ” he said gruffly. “He _is_ important to me. He’s not dead.”

Lance’s eyes widened, but he nodded anyways. “Okay… Um, why do you think that?”  
“They said ‘pilot error’. Shiro was the pilot,” he was speaking as if he was explaining very simple facts to a child.

“Right but—“

Keith cut him off, face contorting into something angry. “He’s the best pilot in this entire goddamn school. He wouldn’t make a fatal error.” Then he whispered, as if trying to convince himself, “He just wouldn’t.”

Lance figured it was best not to argue, knowing Keith wasn’t in any state to think rationally.

“If you don’t mind me asking…” Keith tilted his head, telling Lance to go on. “Who was—is— he to you?”

Keith smiled fondly, face relaxing just a little bit, as he answered. “He’s my brother.”

“Your brother?” Lance urged Keith to elaborate, hoping that talking about Shiro would help him

“Well, not biologically. It’s a long story but he— he found me, when I was a kid,” he was still smiling, clearly remembering something important to him. “He got me off the streets. He got me into the Garrison. He saved my life.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you just tell me that the first time I asked you?” Lance asked, remembering how quickly Keith had shut down.

“I don’t know. I just don’t like thinking about what my life was like before Shiro.”

Lance nodded, that was explanation enough.

Suddenly, the smile fell from Keiths face. He got up abruptly, causing Lances hands to fall to the floor. In the span of a second, he had shifted, shutting down once again. Lance couldn’t even find it in himself to be surprised.

“Keith, what is it?”  
“I need to go talk to Iverson,” he said in a flat voice. Lance was not a fan of this sudden change. He missed the warmth that Keith had been radiating just moments before. Now there was only cold, unyielding ice.

“Wait, Keith!” he called after him. “You can’t just go in there all half-cocked, guns blazing.”

“Yes. I can.” He was walking down the hallway as fast as he could without breaking into a run.

“Keith! Stop!”

He finally turned around, fixing Lance with a cold expression. “Lance. I need you to listen to me. I _need_ to do this. I know he’s lying, and I have to find out the truth. If you care about me _at all_ you’ll let me go.” His voice was a far off thing, stony and low.

“No, Keith. If I cared about you _at all_ I wouldn’t let you go. You’re gonna do something stupid and get yourself expelled.”

“I don’t care.”

“But I do Keith.” Keith was still watching him, that rigid, piercing expression still on his face. Then, he surged forward, grabbing Lances arm and twisted it behind his back.

“Ow! Keith what the hell are you doing?”  
He dragged Lance into an empty classroom, throwing his unceremoniously on the floor.

“I’m sorry,” is all he said he ran out of the room slamming the door shut behind him.

By the time Lance got up and out into the hallway, Keith was already gone, gaining the head start he needed to do whatever it was he wanted to do. He ran towards Iverson’s office as quickly as his legs would take him.

When he got there, he begged the secretary to let him in, all manners out the window.

“I’m sorry, cadet. But he’s already with another student. Feel free to wait.” She gestured towards the chairs lined up against the wall. Lance begrudgingly took a seat, anger and fear battling for dominance at the forefront of his brain.

He heard raised voices coming from inside the office, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. Then, after minutes of muffled arguing, he heard a thud. And then a scream.

The secretary shot up, yelling into the phone for security. Lance stood up, watching the door, and had half a mind to go in when he was shoved aside by two security guards who ran into Iverson’s office

After some scuffling, during which Lance stood in the middle of the office with bated breath, the door banged open.

Keith was being flanked by the two security guards, who looked even bigger and more imposing next to Keiths slight frame, and his right was hand bleeding. Iverson emerged next, his eye a bloody mess.

He was yelling at Keith, chest puffing up indignantly. “And if you _ever_ set foot in this school again, I’ll be more than happy to return the favor.” He gestured to his eye.

Lance whipped his head towards Keith, hardly able to believe what he was seeing. Keith studied Iverson for a few moments, then burst out laughing, more of a high cackle than the soft laughs that usually fell gracefully from Keiths mouth.

“I didn’t even want to come to your stupid school in the first place. But you should call me if you ever need help removing that stick from your ass!”

The security guards dragged him away, and Iverson went back into his office, visibly fuming.

Lance was left standing there, too shocked to move. The person he had just seen was not Keith. At least not the Keith he was used to. He was somebody else, somebody who wielded destructive anger like a weapon. He stared down at his hands, wishing that he had been just a little faster.

Eventually the secretary told him that he needed to go back to his dorms, and that she was sorry he had to see that. He did as she said, making his way through the halls like a ghost.

—

That night, he laid awake, replaying everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. His blissful night with Keith, the horrible assembly, Keiths shocked, broken face. Keith, completely unhinged, yelling at Iverson without one thought about the consequences.

There was a knock at his door and he shot out of bed, knowing there was only one person who would come to his room this late.

He opened the door and found Keith standing there, all of the bravado he had in Iverson’s office completely gone. He was Keith again— _his_ Keith. He held the door open and Keith silently walked in, sitting on Lances bed.

Keith was the first one to speak. “I’m sorry—“

“Don’t,” Lance cut him off as he sat next to him and took his hand. “Just don’t.”

Keith turned to look at him, tears shining in his eyes. “I’m leaving, Lance”

Lance shifted closer to him, using his other hand to wipe the tears from Keiths cheek. “I know.”

Keith leaned forward, kissing him. It was slow and sweet, everything that moment wasn’t.

When they finally broke apart, Keith stood up, his hand lingering in Lance’s. Lance stood up too, placing himself between Keith and the door.

There was more to be said. There always seemed to be, between the two of them. All the unspoken words just hung in the middle of the room, pressing in on him from all sides, begging to be set free.

 _Don’t leave me,_ he wanted to scream. _Please don’t go._

Instead he pressed a short kiss to Keith’s hand. _Goodbye._ The word caught in his throat, taking root there. To say it would make the moment real, and this moment wasn’t real. _This can’t be real._ It felt separate from the world he lived in, something sacred and personal. Only for the two of them.

He moved out of the way, giving Keith a clear shot of the door.Keith didn’t move, just stood there with shining eyes.

Lance nodded, minutely, as if to say _it’s okay._ Keith mirrored him, shaking a single tear free. It slid down his face slowly, like it didn’t want to go either. When it reached his chin and slid off his face Keith dropped his hand and left, giving Lance one last, lingering look as he walked out.

—

In the twelve months that followed, Lance only heard from Keith once. A letter arrived for him with no return address, just his name sloppily written on an envelope.

He opened it with fumbling fingers, tears flowing freely down his face.

_Dear Lance,_

_I’m writing to you to let you know that I’m safe. I hate the thought of you being worried about me._

_I also wanted to tell you that I miss you. It’s hard, being without you, but I know that I’m exactly where I need to be. I was suffocating at the Garrison. It hurt me to see you everyday and know that I couldn’t be with you because of them. When they said that Shiro died I just couldn’t take it anymore._

_The Garrison took everything from me and I was tired of being their poster boy. I didn’t want to give them any more._

_I wish that there was a world out there where we could be together. Maybe there is and we just haven’t found it yet. Who knows?_

_There’s no doubt in my mind that we’ll see each other again. I just hope that it’s in this lifetime._

_God, apparently being on my own has made me some kind of cheesy poet. Sorry about that. But I mean it Lance. I miss you and can’t wait to see you again._

_I’m sorry that this is so short, and I’m sorry I can’t tell you more. I just wanted you to know that not a day goes by that I don’t think about you._

_Keith_

Lance gripped the paper in his hands so hard that he almost ripped it. He sat down on his desk, and grabbed a pen, scrawling out a response that he knew would never reach Keith.

_I miss you too._

_I think about you everyday. To the point that it’s actually annoying. You ruined me, Keith, in the best way possible._

_I’m ranked first now. I thought it would feel better, you know. I thought this was what I wanted. But it’s not. I want you._

_I think there is a world where we can be together. How about we agree to meet each other there, okay? Or maybe halfway? Whatever works for you. I just want to see you again._


	2. you always leave me wanting more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you think this is our destiny?”  
> Lance finally found the strength to speak, though the words came out quiet and strangled. “What? Voltron?”  
> “No. This,” he answered, turning to face Lance completely and putting his hand on his chest. “Like we’re always going to be circling around each other. Never able to land. Never able to just—“ he stopped, cutting himself off with a painful choking noise.  
> “Be happy,” Lance answered.  
> “Yeah. Happy,” Keith said. The word sounded foreign on his tongue, like it wasn’t meant for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are entering canon, which I just wanted to preface by saying that I haven't actually watched this show in like three years. When you're reading just assume that most of the major canon events for like the first six seasons happened, but the dialogue and tone is different. Also none of the Lance/Allura stuff happened at all, just because it doesn't make sense in this narrative.

The next time he saw Keith he was seventeen. He was a third year and still top of his class. His life had gone on virtually the same without Keith. Except for the gaping hole he carried around in his chest.

The second he saw him, even though he was a mile away with his face covered, his heart dropped. _Keith was right,_ he thought in awe. _We found our way back to each other._

He dropped everything with no hesitation, racing towards him without a second thought. Because maybe, just maybe, this time would be different.

When they locked eyes over Shiro’s body, they didn’t say a word to each other; they just fell back into step, like they were never apart.

—

Later that night, after everything had calmed down, he walked outside, skin burning with anticipation, desperate to be able to touch Keith again. He sat next to Keith on the porch silently, placing his hand next to his, a reflection of the first night they spent out here.

“So,” he said, breaking the silence, “you were right.”

Keith let out a slow breath. “Yeah. I guess I was.”

“I still can’t believe you punched Iverson. But at least I know he deserved it.” Next to him, Keith chuckled. _I missed that sound._

Lance moved his hand on top of Keiths, for comfort, maybe, but also for selfish reasons. He needed to feel Keiths skin against his again, needed it like the air he breathed. Keith shifted his hand out from under him, bringing it to rest on his knee.

“Whats wrong?” he asked, suddenly insecure. “You don’t like me anymore? Find somebody new?” There was a teasing edge in his voice, one that they both knew wasn’t genuine.  
Keith shook his head, still looking up at the stars with a carefully neutral expression. “Nothing has changed, Lance. Not my feelings for you and not the rules,” he said these things factually, like he was reading a book report.

“‘The rules.’” Lance said mockingly. “Um, I’m pretty sure I’m not Garrison cadet anymore, Keith. I just ran away from school, way after curfew, with stolen equipment, and freed their prisoner.” He ticked the grievances off on his hand as he said them, finally allowing the full weight of his actions to sink in.

Keith shook his head slowly, sadness twisting his features. “Why, Lance?”

 _How could he even ask that?_ “You know why.”

Keith finally turned towards him, looking at him with something close to pity. “You shouldn’t have.”

Lance reached for his hand again. “But I did.”

Keith stood up abruptly, causing Lances hand to fall to the floor. When he spoke, his voice was cutting, as if he was on the verge of yelling. “But you _shouldn’t_ have. You just jeopardized your entire future, Lance!” Lance cringed as he said his name, rougher than he’d ever said it before, like it was an insult.

“Well, maybe but—“ he rushed to defend himself, crumpling under the weight of Keiths harsh words.

“No ‘buts’, Lance. I know how important it is to you. You told me that you spent your entire life wanting to get into the Garrison. Wanting to go to space.” He reeled around, looking down his nose at him. “You were so close, Lance. And now it’s gone.”

Lance stood up too, facing Keith head on. He wasn’t going to sit down and take this. Not after everything that had happened between them.

“And why does this bother you so much?” His voice was cutting and rough too, fueled by Keiths apparent disappointment in him. “I don’t know where you, a _dropout_ , got the idea that you can boss me around but you can’t. I may have ‘jeopardized my future’ or whatever but at least I didn’t punch a high-ranking official, steal a hover-bike, and then fuck off to the desert for a year!”

He was panting, shoulders tense, waiting for Keith to say something back. Keith glared at him for a few seconds, chest rising and falling rapidly. His arms were wrapped around himself, and unlike the usual way he would cross them over his chest, this seemed to be more of a protective gesture, as if Keith was shielding himself from something. Lance held eye contact, daring him to say something.

Then, slowly and deliberately, he moved his arms back to his sides, still glaring at Lance. He sat back down on the porch gingerly. There was an edge to every one of his movements, like he was masking his still burning anger. Lance frowned, taking him in, then sat next to him, still tense from their fight.

Lance watched the measured manner in which Keith held himself. He was unclenching every part of his body, one by one. First his fists, then his shoulders, and finally, his jaw. All of his anger had burned off, and what was left were the smoking coals of a dying fire.

“I guess we both fucked up pretty bad, huh?” Keith said, voice still pulled tight.

Lance smiled, all anger purged from his body at the sight of Keith next to him, eyes bright as they had been when they first visited the desert. “Yeah, I guess we did.”

They turned away from each other and looked up at the stars. Lance finally allowed himself to mourn them. He knew there was no way they would reach them now. That was what that fight had really been about. He knew Keith was right, he had jeopardized his future —ruined it, really—, but what was he supposed to do? It was never even a question for him. He just ran after Keith, time and time again.

Keith sighed, running a hand through his hair. “What the hell are we doing Lance?”

“You mean like, with us?” _Are we back on that?_

Keith shook his head. “There’s something strange going on here.”

“I know. Voltron or whatever.”

“Exactly.” Keith said the next words like they physically hurt him. “I think we need to figure that out before we figure _this_ out.”

“Okay,” Lance said with a newfound determination. “Then let’s figure it out.” He got up and dragged Keith with him.

Keith smiled at him, roughly pulling him into a hug. Lance stiffened at first, surprised at the sudden contact, especially coming from Keith, then relaxed into it, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

He nuzzled his nose into Keiths hair, breathing him in. “I missed you.”

Keith just squeezed him tighter, but Lance understood. He felt the same.

—

Voltron. Color-coded lions. A princess that had been asleep for 10,000 years. A castle ship. This was their new reality.

It had been a crazy few days, and between finding the lions and attempting to adjust to their new lives, and Keith and Lance hadn’t had a moment to themselves.

Lance found himself standing in front of his bathroom mirror, bracing himself for what he needed to do. He left his room, careful not to wake the others, and wound his way through the castle.

He found Keith in the observatory, where they had planned to meet. He was gazing out at the stars, a small smile on his face, and for a second Lance let himself get distracted by how stunning he looked with his face painted in the glowing light from outside.

Then he cleared his throat, not wishing to make this any harder on himself. Keith turned around, eyes softening when they landed on Lance.

“Hey,” Lance said as he stood next to him.

“Hey.”

They lapsed back into silence, both of them still staring up at the stars.

Keith eventually spoke, impatience winning the game they were playing. “So we said we’d figure this out once we figured out the Voltron stuff,” Keith said, shifting his head just enough to look at Lance.

“Yep. We did.” Lance was stalling, but if Keith could tell he said nothing.

Keith was still looking at him and, out of the corner of his eye, Lance could see the melancholy painted on every line of his face. _How am I supposed to do this,_ Lance wondered, _when Keith is looking at me like that?_

In the end, Keith did it for him, by quietly asking, “You want to end this, don’t you?”

Lance just nodded, ignoring the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were lost for words,” he said with a small chuckle. When Lance didn’t reply, he went on. “But in all the time I’ve known you, I don’t think that’s ever been the case.” Lance still stayed silent, knowing that if he opened his mouth, an ugly sob would escape.

Keith couldn’t take it anymore and his voice ripped out of him, an anguished, wretched thing. “Damn it, Lance! Could you at least look at me?”

Lance kept his mouth shut, but he slowly turned his head, and found that there were tears running down his face too.

“Thats better.” Keith regarded him for a few seconds more, then scoffed. “Do you think this is our destiny?”  
Lance finally found the strength to speak, though the words came out quiet and strangled. “What? Voltron?”

“No. This,” he answered, turning to face Lance completely and putting his hand on his chest. “Like we’re always going to be circling around each other. Never able to land. Never able to just—“ he stopped, cutting himself off with a painful choking noise.

“Be happy,” Lance answered.

“Yeah. _Happy_ ,” Keith said. The word sounded foreign on his tongue, like it wasn’t meant for him.

“You said there was a world out there for us.” Lance put his hands on Keiths face, fingertips just brushing his hair.“Do you still believe that?” he asked, so afraid of Keith’s answer that his hands shook.

“I don’t know,” Keith whispered. “I hope there is” He made a move like he was going to step closer, then stopped himself, falling back on his heels

“But…” Lance took his hands out of Keiths hair, and Keith followed his lead, taking his hand off his chest.

“Not right now,” Keith finished.

“Theres just too many things going on. I mean ‘Defenders of the Universe’?”

Keith let out a noise somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. “I know. It’s crazy.”

“When we do this. I want to do it right.” Lance reached towards Keith’s hand, grazing his wrist. “I want to sweep you off your feet.”

Keith snatched his hand away, a smile vaguely gracing his lips.“You’re so cheesy.”

“I mean it. You aren’t going to know what hit you.” He sighed, and felt the humor drop from his face. “And I can’t do that here.”

“Not if we’re fighting some insane war, risking our lives everyday…” Keith said, obviously still trying to come to terms with it all.

“Beating up purple people,” Lance added, getting laugh out of Keith. Then in a much lower voice, he leaned in and murmured, “One day, Red. One day.”

Keith smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “One day.”

—

It was like they were back at the Garrison. Except this time, it wasn’t rules keeping them apart. It was duty, the call to action that they both knew they couldn’t be distracted from.

It was torture, to be on the same ship as Keith, to be next to him every day and not be able to reach over and touch him. So many times, he got the urge to just get up and rush into Keiths room, to retrace the lines of his body and learn all over again what bliss felt like.

But he reminded himself of what that would mean. He knew that if he did that, he would lose focus on the mission. His entire worldview would be clouded by Keith. _Keith, Keith, Keith._ Nothing else would matter if he had Keith. He was like a drug that Lance simply couldn’t afford to lose himself to.

Things got easier as time went on, as they busied themselves with missions and training. When they spoke they were teammates, two soldiers with a common goal. But too many times to count, Lance would feel himself get lost. Lost in Keiths eyes, in his smile, in the sharp curves of his body. He would have to pull himself back violently, like a fisherman pulling a fish out of the sea (out of its home).

He watched Keith from afar, knowing he would never be able to completely put him out of him mind. He watched Keith close himself off from the rest of the team, and wondered if it was his fault. He watched Keith train excessively, pouring everything he had into the fight, taking out all the anger that was always bubbling under his skin.

Sometimes, on missions, Keith would risk his life, doing something reckless and impulsive, and Lance’s heart would clench. His mind would take him to a terrible world, one where Keith was dead, and he would feel empty, like the life was sucked out of him. He would walk around like husk for days, praying to a god he didn’t believe in to save him from that terrible, ugly world.

Then Keith would come out the other side, emerging from the pod, scoffing as his teammates fussed over him. Lance would keep his distance, knowing that if he let himself go he would run up to Keith and get down on his knees, begging him not to ever do something like that again.

 _But that wouldn’t be fair,_ he reminded himself. He couldn’t ask Keith to stay safe and stop doing the very thing they broke up for in the first place. Because then it would all be in vain. And it couldn’t all be in vain.

It was torture, but it was their reality. 

—

Keith was leaving.

Keith was leaving.

_Keith is leaving._

_Keith is leaving._

_Keith is leaving._

Lance repeated these words over and over again as he tossed around in his bed.

He thought of Keith, of how he felt when he left the first time. How Keith’s hand felt as it slipped out of his grasp.

_No._

He jumped out of bed, not even bothering to pull a shirt on. _This isn’t happening_ , he thought. _Not again._

He found Keith in the observatory, just where he thought he’d be, sitting on the floor, holding his head in his hands. Lance smiled in spite of himself. Sitting like that, he looked so small, a far cry from the hardened soldier he had grown into. He looked like the bright young boy that Lance had fallen in love with. Maybe he was still that boy, underneath it all. Lance intended to find out.

“You’re leaving,” he said into the dark, voice echoing in the large room. It was a statement, not a question.

Keith turned to look at him. He didn’t look surprised at all, like he was expecting Lance. “Yeah. I have to. I don’t belong here anymore.”

Lance had come here wanting to fight. But when he looked at Keith, any argument he had died in his throat. _It’s not my place,_ he remembered harshly. _We made sure of that._

In lieu of anything more profound, he just said, “Okay,” and sat next to him, mirroring his position under the stars. If his mind had been clearer, he might have had some revelation about how they always found themselves like this, together under the stars before being divided. Instead he just sat, patiently waiting for Keith to speak, like he knew he eventually would.

That was how Keith operated, giving him nothing, nothing, nothing, and then, all at once, everything, like the rush of a river over a broken dam. And every time, Lance soaked it up, like a plant that had gone too long without the sharp relief of water.

“Lately I just feel like I don’t even know what I’m doing,” he said softly. “You were right, Lance. Five lions, six paladins. It doesn’t work.”

Lance snapped his head to Keith. “Wait a second…” _No._ “You aren’t doing this because I said that, are you?” He was horrified, disgusted at the idea of being the one to make Keith leave.

“No,” Keith reassured him, obviously sensing the guilt threatening to overtake Lance. “I’ve been wanting to leave for a while. Ever since I became the black paladin. But it was what Shiro wanted so I stuck it out.” He took a sharp intake of breath as he said Shiro’s name, and Lance knew that the wounds inflicted by his brother going missing (again) weren’t healed yet. “But he’s back now, and you saying that just reminded me that I _could_ leave. That I’m not necessarily needed here. At least not anymore.”

Now that, Lance could understand. It was why he had gone to Keith in the first place, to ask for reassurances about his place on the team that only Keith could give him. But hearing it from Keith made it sound ugly. How could Keith not see that he _was_ needed here. That _he_ needed him.

“And you’re needed at the Blades.” It came out more sarcastic than he meant for it to. He decided to run with it. _What do I have to lose anymore?_ “The ‘mission over individual’ Blade of Marmora is going to give you some big purpose, huh? What can they give you that you don’t have here?”

Keith looked taken aback by his outburst, and Lance felt a strange sense of pride.

He recovered quickly, sending sharp words at Lance. “I’ll be useful there. Way more useful than I could ever be here.”

Lance was getting increasingly frustrated. He needed Keith to understand. “How can you ever be more useful than being a _defender of the universe._ Even the title sounds important.”

Keith laughed, a cold, humorless thing. “I should have know you wouldn’t understand.”

“Make me understand,” he said, practically begging. _Please._

Keiths face softened as he heard the desperation in Lances voice, but he didn’t answer.

Lance pressed on, doing everything he could to convince him to stay without actually asking him to. “I mean, nothing is ever gonna give you more purpose than fighting with Voltron. We save thousands of lives every day.”

“I don’t know if that means anything to me. Not anymore. It’s like I’ve become desensitized or something.” Keith groaned, like he was frustrated at himself. He was picking at his nails again, a nervous tick left over from his days of boredom Garrison. Lance felt an unexpected fondness rush over him. _That, at least, hasn’t changed._ “I’m not saying that’s not important. I _know_ that our work is important I just—” he trailed off, looking anywhere but Lance.

Lance was starting to understand. But still, he wanted more.“Then what are you even fighting for?” This was the only way he knew how to get information out of Keith, to push and push and push until whatever wall Keith had put up finally came crashing down.

There was a beat of silence before Keith whispered his answer, as though admitting to a great sin. “Myself, I guess.”

Lance moved closer, taking his face in his hands. He slowly leaned in, holding eye contact until he couldn’t anymore and asked, “Are you sure about that, Red?”

Keith’s eyes darted around Lances face, as if he was searching for something. It seemed like he found his answer, because he slowly shook his head, moving his lips that much closer to Lance’s.

The two were suspended in time, Keith with his head tilted up, lips parted, expectant in a way he had never allowed himself to be; Lance with his hands in Keith’s hair, magnetically drawn towards him, desperate to remember how it felt to kiss him.

Lance saw it: the moment the dam broke and the walls fell. The moment of relief when Keith finally let himself feel everything he had been bottling up. He took a strange pleasure in knowing that he was the one to get this. It was like watching a star collapse or a great empire fall. Glorious and magnificent. And all his.

Their lips met, softly at first, as if they were both testing the waters in an untouched lake. Then Lance lurched forward, deepening it, causing Keith to react in the only way he knew how to: passionately, and with everything that he had. He reached his hands up and clung to Lance.

Lance roughly pulled him up, aiming to lead them back to his bedroom. Keith wrappedhis legs around Lance, further clinging on to him, and let him carry him down the hallway while he carefully kissed his neck.

Each time their eyes meet, they were starkly reminded of what was happening the next day, the catalyst for this whole thing. But they refused to dwell on it, instead letting their lips meet again and again throughout the night, making up for all the time they spent sleeping in separate bedrooms, too scared to let themselves have this.

—

They woke up in a tangle of limbs the next morning, both staying silent, knowing that talking would burst the bubble they had created and sharply thrust them back to reality. Lance placed a finger under Keiths chin, gently lifting it so their eyes met. Keith gazed back at him, expression soft, hair mussed from sleep.

They laid like that for as long as they could before Keith finally moved, reaching up to give Lance one last kiss before he got up and moved towards the door. Lance grabbed his hand abruptly. _Not yet._ He knew that his desperation was showing, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Keith sat back down, watching Lance with thinly veiled longing. “I still have to leave.”

“I know,” Lance replied simply, as if that explained everything. Maybe it did. He understood it the second their lips touched. _Last night had been a goodbye._

“I can’t believe this is happening again,” Keith said, in the sleep addled voice Lance had never heard before.

“I can,” he said simply, causing Keith to tilt his head and frown. He elaborated, letting his thumb brush small circles into Keiths hand as he spoke. “You’re leaving again. You’re running. Just like you did when you left the Garrison.”

Keith opened his mouth, maybe to protest, maybe to apologize, but Lance stopped him.

“Don’t. It’s true.” He smiled, remembering Keiths letter to him all those lifetimes ago. “And it’s okay. We’ll see each other again.” He let go of Keiths hand, and it fell to the bed with a soft _thump._ There was nothing more to be said. They _would_ meet again, and Lance knew this with as much certainty as he knew that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West (on Earth, at least). Keith got up, walking towards the door again. He stopped with his hand on the knob.

“You were right, Lance. I’m not just fighting for myself. Not anymore.” He turned to look at Lance, an unreadable expression on his face. “I love you.” He paused, staring at Lance so intensely that he felt like he was melting under his gaze. “I think I always have.”

Then he was gone, leaving Lance to a bed that suddenly felt way too big and far too empty.

—

The only sound he could hear was his heartbeat in his ears, pounding to the same beat of his feet against the floor. He was wrong. There was more to be said. _I’m not done yet,_ he thought as he raced through the castle. _I need more._

He finally reached the hanger, gasping for breath, and saw Keith climbing into the ship that was going to take him away from him.

“Wait!” he choked out, ignoring the burning in his lungs. He ran forward, jumping into the pod just as the doors closed.

“What are you doing?” There was a pinched expression on Keiths face, almost as if he didn’t want to see Lance.

“I just— I couldn’t let you leave.” His next words came out quiet, laced with feelings of abandonment. “We… We didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

“I thought it was easier that way.” Keith was sitting straight up in his chair with his hands gripping the controls, looking straight ahead.

“How is that easier?” He got down on his knees in front of Keith, begging his to look at him.

“I don’t know how to say goodbye,” he whispered. There were tears running falling from Keiths eyes, but his face was still hard and expressionless. It made him look like a statue in the dim light of the ship, like a Greek god cut from marble with a gentle touch.

“Then we won’t.” He grabbed Keiths face, pulling it down to meet his. He hoped to crack his hard exterior, so that he could say goodbye to the real Keith. The one he loved.

Keith sighed, dropping the facade. He was no longer a statue, no longer cold and unloving. His face broke into a small smile and he was Keith again. The enigma Lance had spent a lifetime trying to figure out, the boy that held his heart in his hands.

Keith leaned forward and pressed his lips to Lance, exposing all the emotions he tried to hide in the gentle way his lips moved. Lance used everything that he had to commit this moment to memory, not knowing when he would next have the pleasure of feeling all the things that Keith made him feel.

“I’ll wait for you,” he whispered against Keiths lips. It felt unnecessary to say, because that was always the unspoken deal, but still he said it, wanting Keith to hear it, to know it and never doubt it. When they broke apart, he kept his hands on Keiths face, brushing the tears away with his thumbs. 

“I don’t know when I’ll be back.” He didn’t say what he really meant by this: _if he’ll be back,_ but they both heard it nonetheless.

“That doesn’t matter.” He ran his hands through his hair, marveling at the softness. “You’re all that matters.”

“I’m sorry that I have to go.” Keith looked surprised as he said this, as if he really thought it would be easier to just get up and run away. 

“Don’t be. I understand.” And he wasn’t lying. He did understand, as much as it hurt. He knew why he had to leave. Lance just wished that it didn’t mean he had to leave him, too.

“I’ll come back.” Keith said this with such intensity that Lance couldn’t help but believe it, even though he knew it wasn’t something he could promise. “I meant what I said before. I’m not fighting for myself anymore. I’m fighting for us, so that one day we can have a future.”

“We’ll have one,” Lance promised, even though he knew it wasn’t up to him. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“Me too.” Keith straightened up again, gripping the controls with a newfound determination. “I’ll never stop fighting for us.”

Lance took that as his cue to leave, but couldn’t shake the feeling that he was forgetting something as he stepped out of the pod.

“Oh!” He stuck out an arm, stopping the door from closing. “I love you, too.”

Lance got to see the grin that spread across Keith’s face as the door closed and blocked him from view. He sunk to the ground as he watched the ship leave, feeling like he was watching a piece of himself get taken away.

—

Time crept by, and still the hole in Lances chest grew bigger. It was one thing to be on a ship with Keith and not be able to be with him. It was another to be completely separated from him, spending most of his time not even knowing if he was safe.

Every time they received communication from the Blade his heart stopped. _What if this was it?_ What if this time the mission did claim the individual? He tried not to dwell on it, but he couldn’t help where his mind wandered at night.

His dreams were overtaken with images of Keith. Keith being shot, Keith being stabbed, Keith caught in an explosion, dying in a blaze of fire. In all of them, he was screaming, crying out as he took his last breath. And in all of them, Lance was useless to help him. In all of them, Lance watched as the light drained from his eyes and deep purple faded to dark gray.

It was horror, his deepest fear brought to life every night when he closed his eyes.

—

When he saw him again, older and more grizzled, Lance felt he could breathe for the first time in months. Keith was there, standing across from him, alive. Part of him had wondered if all this time apart would do something to lessen his feelings, if they would still linger, but be more of a dull ache than the raging fire he was so used to. But when he saw him, and blue eyes met violet, he laughed at the thought.

He still loved him, just as much as he had when they were teenagers, just as he always would. And, judging by the intensity in Keiths eyes as he stared at him, he knew he felt the same. It would be like this, forever. Their intoxicating push and pull was as much a part of him as his hands or his heart. _Keith_ was a part of him, and Lance reveled in that knowledge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance: I can't be with Keith bc it will distract me from the mission :((((  
> Also Lance: *is distracted anyways*  
> yes they're both clowns with a debilitating sense of duty but i love them anyways


	3. Long nights and daydreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Red,” he whispered, just loud enough for Keith to hear.  
> Instantly, he came to life, as if he was sleeping and Lance had woken him up. His eyes lit up and he smiled, bigger than Lance had ever seen. Lance rushed forward, gripping Keiths face in his hands, drinking in every moment of this exchange, every line on Keiths face, every scar. Keith pushed their foreheads together, closing his eyes.  
> “Is this real?” he whispered.  
> Lance closed his eyes too, and nodded, still not believing it himself.  
> They stood like that for what felt like hours, trying to force their brains to catch up with what they were being told. It’s over, it’s over, it’s over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally.  
> Also for the purposes of this fic, the war ended in space and then they returned to earth. I have not watched season eight and I have no interest in doing so. I read a spoiler and saw the words "Allura died" and just said "No ❤️️" Allura is alive and well thank you :)

It was over.

The Galra Empire had fallen in a cacophony of screams and explosions.

They had delivered the final blow, one so well timed and thought out that it had crippled the Galra beyond recovery.

It was over.

_Can it really be over?_

_Is this real?_ Was he imagining all of this? Was this some delusion brought on by the madness of fighting a never-ending war?

Blue landed roughly, paws hitting the earth with a bang. He ran to the door, hardly able to breathe, hardly able to think.

As he exited his lion he was swarmed by people. People from the Garrison and civilians. All cheering as the rest of Team Voltron walked down their ramps too, faces mirroring Lances disbelief. He caught Hunk and Pidge’s eyes and they ran towards each other before being swept up in a bone crushing hug by Allura. Soon Shiro joined, whispering congratulations to them all. Lance couldn’t keep the smile off his face if his life depended on it.

But finally, finally, he didn’t have to worry about something like that. Because, he realized through the haze engulfing his head, now he had no duty but to himself. He was free.

 _Free? What does that even mean?_ Lance struggled to imagine a life free of duty, where he didn’t have the weight of his world on his shoulders. What if he floated away without it?

As they broke away from the hug he craned his neck, searching for the one person he needed to talk to, the one person who could tell him what freedom really means.

His eyes were drawn to him immediately, standing at the foot of his lion, not looking at all like somebody who had just saved the universe. He ran towards him, parting the crowd as he did. Everything else could wait. This could not.

Finally he reached him. He came to an abrupt halt a few feet away from him, suddenly at a loss for words. What do you say when you’re about to get everything you ever wanted? Keith slowly looked up from where he was staring at his hands and locked eyes with Lance.

“Hey, Red,” he whispered, just loud enough for Keith to hear.

Instantly, he came to life, as if he was sleeping and Lance had woken him up. His eyes lit up and he smiled, bigger than Lance had ever seen. Lance rushed forward, gripping Keiths face in his hands, drinking in every moment of this exchange, every line on Keiths face, every scar. Keith pushed their foreheads together, closing his eyes.

“Is this real?” he whispered.

Lance closed his eyes too, and nodded, still not believing it himself.

They stood like that for what felt like hours, trying to force their brains to catch up with what they were being told. _It’s over, it’s over, it’s over._

They finally broke apart and Keith grabbed Lance by the waist, pulling him in so their bodies were flush with each other. Every inch of Lances body burned, all of his senses overridden. There was nothing else, just Keith’s hands on his body, just Keiths hair brushing against his face. He ran his hands over Keith’s chest, reveling in the fact that he could do it without worrying. There was nothing standing in their way now.

He brought his gaze back to Keith, who’s face reflected everything he was feeling. All the desire and wanting and pain, all there, displayed like a mural for all to see. He smiled softly, then turned his chin down, bumping his nose into Keith’s. It was a teasing gesture, he was slightly taller than Keith, and he hoped to remind him. To make him turn his head up to glare at Lance.

He did exactly that and Lance smiled, victorious. It still surprised him sometimes, how well he knew him. _I suppose you don’t love somebody the way I love him without knowing them completely._

Keith played along, raising himself up on his toes so he was eye level with Lance and Lance smirked. He had missed this, their back and forth, the soft way they would inevitably meet in the middle, all playfulness shoved to the side, overtaken by burning need.

They met. Lips drawn together like rain to the earth. It was slow, void of all the desperation that had plagued their other kisses. Those were born of distress, from the fear that each kiss would be their last. This was born of hope, from the inherent knowledge that they didn’t have to be afraid anymore.

Keiths hands were on his back, moving up and down with a rhythm Lance could imagine following for the rest of his life. Lances hands were in his hair, and he gently pulled Keith forward, inching him closer, begging for more.

Suddenly, there was a soft cough to Lances right. He tore himself away from Keith, turning his head to see who had interrupted them. It was Shiro, with a small smile on his lips.

“Sorry to interrupt.” He paused, looking to Keith and letting him compose himself. Keith ran a hand through his hair, trying to hide the blush playing on his cheeks. “I thought you should know that we’re meeting in an hour at the Garrison to discuss our next steps. I hope you can both be there.” He said that last part tauntingly, still watching his brother with a smile on his face.

Keith just nodded, staring down at his shoes.

Shiro smirked, but left them alone. Lance turned back to Keith, trying to contain his laughter. Keith looked up and saw him struggling.

“What?” He said, anger mingling with his embarrassment.

Lance put his hands up placatingly. “Nothing! You just…” he lifted Keiths chin up and brushed the hair from his face, enjoying the pink that was sitting high on his cheekbones. “You look like a disgruntled teenager, that’s all.”

He huffed, crossing his arms. “Whatever."  
“There you go again,” he said, waving a finger in Keiths face. Keith just frowned, obviously not amused with Lance’s teasing. “Okay I’m sorry. You just have no idea how cute you look right now.”

Keith rolled his eyes, and somehow, his blush got deeper still. But he uncrossed his arms, bringing them to rest at Lances waist. “I guess we should discuss what our next steps are too, huh?”

Lance stiffened, smiling as an idea popped in his head. He got down on one knee in front of Keith, grabbing both his hands with his own.

“Keith…” he began. Above him, Keith looked utterly terrified.

“Woah… Lance, what the hell are you doing?” He sputtered, trying to raise him up off his knees.

Lance started again, still smiling at Keiths discomfort. “Keith… Will you do me the honor of going on a date with me?”

Keith dropped Lances hands in annoyance, but his face relaxed. “Jesus, Lance! You freaked me out!”

“I’m sorry,” he said as he stood up, but he didn’t mean it. “I couldn’t help it.” Keith huffed exaggeratedly, staring down at his feet. “Oh, come on! That was hilarious!”

Keith shook his head, but a smile broke out on his face, giving him away. “It was not! I thought you were gonna propose or something!”

“Relax dude,” he said, grabbing Keiths hands again. “I would never propose in public like this. It’s tacky.”

Keith didn’t say anything, still trying to look mad, but failing miserably.

“You didn’t answer me.”

“Sorry,” Keith said sarcastically. “It was hard to think through my heart attack.”

“Well now that you’ve recovered, can you answer me? It’s not nice to keep a guy waiting.”

Keith scoffed. “I feel like we’ve spent our entire lives waiting.”

“Exactly. And I’m sick of it.”

Keith finally dropped the last of his mock anger from his face. He squeezed Lances hands, and Lances heart started beating erratically for no discernible reason. “Of course I’ll go out with you, Lance.”

Lance grinned and pulled Keith into a hug. As they held each other he nuzzled his face into Keiths hair, enjoying the way it tickled his face. Keith buried his face in his neck, wrapping his arms further around Lance.

Lance whispered into Keiths hair something he would never tire of saying. “I love you, you know.”

Keith nodded against his neck, and Lance felt him smile. “Yeah Lance, I know. I love you too.”

—

Lance wakes up to screaming. He immediately sits up in bed, muscles clenched, reflexes still nimble from years of war. His eyes frantically search the room, desperate to find the danger, when they land on the body sleeping next to him.

Keith is lying next to him, soaked in his own sweat. Lance relaxes, lowering his defenses. _This,_ he thinks in relief. _This, at least, I can deal with._ Keith is violently thrashing around, as if there are chains binding his wrists and ankles and he’s desperately trying to free himself. He places a gentle hand on Keiths shoulder, trying to ease him out of whatever nightmare he’s having.

“Keith,” he whispers, speaking as one would to a scared wild animal. “Keith, baby, it’s me.”

Keith doesn’t respond, just writhes around on the bed, twisting the blankets around himself.

“Red!” he tries, speaking a little more forcibly. “You need to wake up, okay?”

Finally, Keiths eyes fly open and dart around the room. “What? Where am I?” His eyes are unfocused and his brow is furrowed. He’s clenching the blankets so hard that his knuckles are white.

“Keith,” Lance says, reaching forward slowly to brush the hair out of his face. “It’s me. You’re in our bedroom.” He glances at the clock. “It’s four in the morning. You had a nightmare.” This is what they had learned to do. Say simple, grounding sentences. Wait for the other to come back to themselves. Keith had done it with Lance just two nights ago, and now itwas Lances turn.

“Lance,” he says, his eyes finally landing on him. His entire body relaxes and he sighs. “I’m so sorry.”

Lance scoffs. “How many times do I have to tell you, Red? Stop apologizing.”

Keith nods, still taking huge, gulping breaths of air. He grabs Lances hand, and Lance knows that he’s attempting to ground himself, to pull himself out of whatever horrible reality he was just forced to live through.

“Which one was it?” he asks.

“The bad one,” Keith says shortly. Thats Keith code for _I don’t want to talk about it,_ so Lance relents, knowing that if it’s important Keith will tell him eventually.

He’s still shaking, and his eyes are still wild, trapped somewhere else. Lance shifts closer to him, taking his head and gently directing it to his lap. He continues to stroke Keiths hair, unsticking it from where it's glued to his forehead with sweat. Keith melts into the touch, eyes slipping closed again.

Lance gazes down at the boy in his lap, eyes tracing over the face he knows better than his own. He takes in his delicate features, and the way they compliment his elegant structure. His heavy eyebrows and dark eyelashes, the gentle slope of his nose and the sharp line of his jaw, the scar running down his face—a permanent reminder burned into his fine skin.

Keiths eyes crack open again, and he reaches his hand up to cup Lances face. “What are you staring at?” he asks playfully, with a smile that twists his face into something even more beautiful than it was before.

Lance smiles back and leans down until his face is inches from Keiths. “Just the love of my life,” he whispers conspiratorially.

He smiles even wider at the blush that spreads over his cheeks, watching as it brings color back to Keith’s face. One of the great pleasures in Lance’s life is whispering these things to Keith, and watching the way he suddenly turns shy, acting more like a giggling schoolgirl than the course soldier Lance once knew him to be.

Keith punches his arm and rolls his eyes. “Shut up! Why do you do that?”

Lance bats his eyes, feigning innocence. “Do what?”

“ _That._ ” Keith says, gesturing vaguely up at him. “Embarrass me.”

Lance just shrugs, still putting on an air of innocence. “I’m only telling the truth.”

“Whatever,” Keith says, crossing his arms. “I’ll get you back.”

Lance gasps dramatically, bringing a hand to his chest. “Heavens, no!” he says in a falsetto. “My boyfriend is going to say nice things to me to get back at me for saying nice things to him? Please, no!”

Keith rolls his eyes again, trying and failing to stifle a laugh. “Thats right, McClain. I’m going to beat you at your own game.”

“Bring it on, Kogane,” he says evenly, mocking his tone.

Keith shoots up, twisting his body around deftly and sending them both crashing back down to the bed. He climbs on top of Lance before he can react and pins him down.

“I will,” he says, daring Lance to retaliate.

Lance does, wiggling his way out of Keiths grasp and wrapping his arms around his waist. Keith lets out a cry as Lance tosses him down on the bed and holds his knees to his arms. Keith struggles under him, trying and failing to break loose. Eventually, he relaxes, throwing his hands up in defeat. Lance smiles smugly and moves his knees.

In a flash, Keith reaches up and tickles him, fingers brushing over his stomach, causing Lance to let out a loud snort. He falls down on the bed as Keith tickles him and protests through gasping breaths. “Hey! We… said… no… tickling!” As the last word falls roughly from his mouth he grabs one of Keiths arms and tries to pin him down again. Keith relents, and allows himself to be trapped under Lance.

“Sorry,” he says through a smug grin. “I fight dirty.”

“I hate you,” Lance gasps, still trying to catch his breath.

Keith just scoffs, rolling his eyes yet again. “You love me.”

“I can do both,” he says with a grin.

He leans down and kisses him, releasing Keiths hands. He shifts his legs so he’s straddling Keith and feels Keith move up to grab his shoulders.

Against his lips, Keith mutters, “I still want a rematch.”

He nods, and moves down to kiss Keiths neck. “Whatever your heart desires.”

Keith makes a noise, like he’s going to say something, but decides against it. Lance looks back at his face, and the pink flush that graces it. He smiles, forever happy that he’s the one to put it there. Keith lifts his head, catching him in a messy kiss.

“I meant it, you know,”he muses as Keith places soft kisses against his jaw. “You’re the love of my life.”

Keith pauses for a second, lips caught halfway through a kiss. Then, he moves back, staring at Lance with an intensity that could rival the sun.

His face slackens and he smiles. He’s looking at Lance like he’s something precious and Lance understands. _He feels the same way._ Keith pulls him back down, pushing their bodies so close together that they might as well be one, and kisses him with the same intensity Lance had seen in his eyes.

 _You’re the love of my life too,_ he hears Keith say through the movement of his hands and the tender rhythm of his lips.

He’s twenty-five now, and he’s spent the past ten years of his life loving Keith. His life is one long love letter, devoted truly and completely to one person. And he hopes beyond hope that this is how it will be always and forever. Until death does them part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith are in love and nobody, not even canon can take that away from me.  
> I'm so glad that they all survived the war and Allura was there for Lance and Keiths wedding and so was Adam :).  
> In my head, Keith and Lance go on chaotic gay double dates with Shiro and Adam and just live their best lives. Later Allura joins with her gf and the vibes are just immaculate.


End file.
